It was one thing for me to know I had a problem, I knew I had a problem for years, I was pig headed & self centered though, I was still feeling good from my problem so I did not give a damn about anyone else I was hurting, nor myself really.
I was willing to hurt everyone around me for my own self centered pleasure until one day I woke up and realized the thrill and joy was gone, I was hurting, I hated what I had become, I wanted to stop, but it was to late, I had crossed that invisible line in alcoholism from a mental obsession to a physical requirement to just feel normal, then I crossed another line where there was not enough to even feel normal.
Some of us are capable of using our brains to find our bottoms, I was not that bright, I had to have alcohol body slam me, I had to be beaten to a pulp, I had to surrender to alcohol long before I surrendered to recovery.