When XAH and I started dating, I "partied" quite a bit. But I could not drink and not care about it, either. Most of our dates involved different degrees of drinking ~ but being totally ignorant of addiction, it didn't occur to me that XAH needed alcohol to have a good time. I also had never encountered anyone who was a pot addict, so his smoking a joint didn't phase me.
By the time I clued in, we were married with kids and it was too late. After I had kids, I stopped drinking except for the once in a blue moon drink. XAH became resentful of me because I wouldn't join in, and resented the kids because he felt they were standing in the way of our "fun". (I refused to get a buzz on when I had little kids who might get sick and need me.)
My not drinking didn't stop him, but it sure gave him something else to blame me for.