"By then I'm usually doing something else". There AIN'T nothing else. Think of the lengths you've gone to to get high. Now does finding a meeting (you're in Jersey, not Nepal) seem that daunting. If you want to find one you will. If you want to get healthy you can. Hell, I only WANTED to want it, but it still worked. Be honest with yourself, these are choices you make, not fate. The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off.