I can really feel your pain-My now ex-AH was cheating & using & stopped using & still talking to her. The pain of hurt & lies was so great-I just couldn't get over it. It felt like it would never go away. He was clean almost 1 year & we made the final separation. It was best for my sanity-I couldn't even think of forgiving back then. It wasn't until we were 6 months apart that I found peace, serenity & forgiveness came much easier. Take it slow, take your time, don't make any quick decisions. Healing from cheating takes time, patience & alot of love from him to see you through it. Know in your heart that you are not the loser.
Prayers & hugs that you find peace & serenity in your life.