Sometimes I think Im way too smart for my own good. Im a healthcare professional amd have worked in psychiatric hospitals, and ER. I see what happens to addicts and I see the lies that they tell us, I see them end up dead.. Sometimes I have this glimpse of understanding of what goes on in his mind (the mind of an addict) I relate it like this.. He wants to use, so he goes out and does it not caring who he is hurting if he is stolen or what the consequences are at the time, Its like tunnel vision. My own experience of this is I want him to be sober and clean, sometimes I have gotten carried away and have done everything in my power to try to make it happen not noticing that it is hurtim me, him, or others indirectly, its all I focus on. The 2 mind sets are very similar I think, although Im not putting dangerous substances in my body. The other thing that I know is that after a binge, he always realizes what he has done, feels shame guilt and shocked at himself realizing it isnt healthy, but will binge again unable to control the compulsion. Alot like myself I realize that what i am doing borders on paranoid, compulsive behavior, and have told myself many times Im not gonna enter this arena again, yet i do it, because in the instant that I think he is using again there is this overwhelming feeling of anxiety or panic and need to find out, to do something to make that feeling go away, so i give into my compulsions as well.. I guess thats my self insight for the day.. I keep asking why why why, well I think i know why. There are feelings at times that he is unable to deal with (boredom, low self esteem, people being dissapointed in him ) that create that same sense of urgency to not want to feel that way anymore, and bam he goes and buries it. Make any sense???