Codie Question Coming - Need Input
I'll attempt to explain the situation first.
I work in a large office. I've worked here for 18 years and I've worked for many different people as it's a revolving door kind of office. I am working for a nieve, foreign guy at the moment, who is getting married for the first time at 28. He and his fiance are moving in together after they are married. I am not invited to the wedding as I didn't expect to be. We aren't friendly enough for that.
My abf asks me all the time to share my work life. There isn't much to share. I am a personal person and I have a few friends and aquaintences that I choose to associate with but I pretty much keep to myself. I don't care for gossips. I find that in most offices there is much gossip. Therefore there isn't much to share about this place. I don't even see some of my friends in a day or a week. We have different floors and buildings and time just gets away. We are supposed to be working not socializing although our office is not strict. I do however see the people I work for usually once a day unless they are out of the office working.
Abf is annoyed that I don't share more. My job is secretarial by nature so not a lot goes on. I could give him a run down about how many times I answered people's phones, or what I typed and mailed out and PDF'ed that day but it's not very exciting not to mention monotonious. Apparently that explanation is not satisfactory. I will say that he has never been to visit and doesn't have a clue what it looks like. He has not met any of my associates or bosses but has met three of my friends from here on different occassions.
Sorry this is not so brief. I have decided to throw a shower/party for the foreign guy that is getting married. Mostly because he is so nice and has shown me kindness. I have stopped throwing birthday parties because it is so costly when you work for 3 people. However, if it is a special occassion, I will go out of my way. The "party" will consist of breakfast (bagels, orange juice, muffins and crumb cake), the second part will be a cake and champagne to toast his upcoming nuptials. That's it. I want a decoration for his door that says congratulations and maybe a wedding bell.
Abf complained last week that I'm always so busy and he'd like to go to lunch sometime soon. I have been committed to my recovery and am attending meetings when I can often at lunch time. Sometimes I have other things to do. Since he mentioned it last week, I did tell him that it wouldn't be anytime soon because I'm busy and I am working on me. Today he asked me to go to lunch again and I said no and explained that I have a million things to do besides making up an hour, don't want to miss my meetings and I have to get things for the party I'm throwing my one boss. He said oh at first and then questioned whether I "had" to throw the party or if I'm doing it on my own. I said no I didn't have to but that I wanted to because he is a nice guy. Then he asked if it was the norm at my office for people to do that. I said, yeah I guess. Some people do and some don't. That was the end of the discussion. I said I had run some errands at lunch pertaining to the party and that I had to stop off after work to pick up some decorations but I'd be home within the hour.
A few minutes later I get a call from him sounding aggravated. He said he's unsettled about why I'm throwing this party for this guy when I don't even care about my work people and that I say it's just a place to work so why would I make such an effort when I hardly have time for myself. And that I can't even go to lunch with him because I am so busy but I have enough time to have a party for some guy I don't care about. OH BOY! At first I was thinking "you are kidding me right?" But then I realized that I"ve had this same argument with him before. I can't pinpoint the feeling I get besides I feel suffocated and controlled. Like he doesn't approve, as though I'm doing something wrong. I said I want to have the party because he's a nice guy and I want to do something nice for him. No other reason. He said "I have a problem with that." Oh well, too bad for you. I stayed calm (yay for me) and I listened. I told him that he is entitled to feel anyway he chooses but he will not control what I do. That he doesn't have any say in my choices and I'm having the party regardless of what he thinks. Not in a bratty way but just matter-of-factly.
My problem is twofold. What is the emotion I'm feeling when he does this to me and what exactly is he doing? I know it's alcoholic behavior but I need to have a definitive answer to move on from it. He confuses me sometimes and if I know and can pinpoint it for my own head, I have an easier time letting it go. As I've said I've been here before with him on other topics and there have been times I've backed down after a huge argument that lasted for days. I somehow admit that he's right and I shouldn't have done something to hurt his feelings when I didn't feel that way at all and it had nothing to do with him to begin with. Please give me opinions. I might need some harshness. I know to move on and I will but I need the answer to this mystery.
Jenny