I would wager that your feelings of frustration have nothing to do with being tired of taking care of yourself and nothing to do with not having someone to wait on you and bring you a cup of tea. I would wager that you're frustrated with yourself for asking for something that you need from someone whom you just said was incapable of meeting that need.
You said you wanted some company, someone to talk to, someone to share your day with, someone to bring you a cup of tea, but yet you called someone whom you claim does not return your calls until several days later, when it's convenient for him.
This really isn't about a cup of tea or having to spend the evening alone. It's about you seeking support from someone whom is incapable of being supportive. It's about you knowing that no contact with your ex is the healthy thing to do but refusing to do what you know is best for you. It's about you not believing, truly believing, that you're worthy of more.
You say that you're tired of taking care of yourself and that's the root of your frustration. I say that you don't know how to take care of yourself and you believe it's somebody else's responsibility. You claim that you're taking care of yourself and moving on with your life, but your actions say otherwise. I'm going to coin a new phrase here and pose the following question:
Does that make you a "dry codie?" Just some things I'm throwing out there for you to think about.