aztchr

I really am getting tired/resentful maybe of having to be the one to take care of myself. I understand the purpose and am working on it, but sometimes I just want someone else to want to take care of me besides family and friends.

When you are constantly caretaking, do you ever find yourself not even wanting to do for yourself? Tonight, for example, I just wanted to sit in my new recliner and have someone else make my tea. Instead I was a little bitter that it's just me here. It would be nice to have someone else ask how I'm doing and if there's anything they could do for me.

I had called my ex, too, but had to leave a voicemail. I just wanted to share my week and feel supported I guess. He doesn't usually return calls unless it's a few days later and convenient. I predict he'll call this weekend and want me to come over, but then again maybe not. I couldn't stick to the no contact because I don't want to. Honestly, I just want some attention and company. After getting myself worked up this week, everything came flooding back and I wanted to be taken care of for a change.

I don't really know where I'm going with this post. I just feel all over the place tonight. Going to sleep and let it go for tonight.