im such a ______ idiot
i caved.
I called tonight. how could this happen.
how? i feel like such an idiot. i feel like such a loser.... im so stupid. i gave it all up. all my hard work. I was tempted this evening. but I said no. then i said I would take a tylenol 3 to put me to sleep.... but i was just tossing and turning thinking about calling. i was back and forth ... saying "well he called me last week why the hell cant I call, he said I could call"
and then i caved in and called. and then he blabed and blabed.... and then an hour later his other line beeped and he said "oh its my cousin....i think we're going out"
and he let me go. WTF I WANTED TO LET HIM GO. GOD I HATE MYSELF. SO MUCH. NOW WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO??????????