Read Codependency No More. That was a long story you wrote and I can hear you are sad, almost regretful the way things turned out. Almost like you were expecting a different outcome from your actions. Or maybe since you both were getting along so well for a while, it gave you hope once again. What I will say that was a red flag in reading your story is this. You mentioned that when you were together, the alcohol wasn't that bad. It didn't really effect your relationship. Funny thing is it effected it enough that he cut you off emotionally and you went out to seek attention from another person (man) and it was a confidential relationship. Maybe just friends but you didn't tell your spouse. So things must have been that bad. Then you also said that AH was doing everything he could to try and get you back but you wanted no part of that. Do you not see that was also part of the person you want back so badly? I know that it is romantic to believe if you could only have one more chance with him again that you could have back what you once did. But unless he gets help, it will never be like that. And even if he does get help, it still may never be like your old relationship. It could be better or not but it will not be a fantasy. You can't make him get help. You can only help yourself. Get to Al-Anon. And read that book. You can't trust an alcoholic because they can't trust themselves. He can't really love you, because he doesn't love himself, he loves the alcohol more than anything else. It's a sucky fact, but it's true. Try to remember that.
One of the hardest lessons I'm still trying to grasp is the death of a dream. I am still not completely accepting that it's dead. But once I can and I mourn it, I know I'll be able to move on.
Jenny