What helped me let go was to attend open AA meetings and gear the horrific stories and miraculous recoveries. Recovering alcs that befriended me told me what if was like to be there. Nothing else in the world mattered except drinking. Naturally their friends were also mostly addicts also. Enablers were important since they liked a nice place to sleep, shower, and eat. In advanced disease even those things were unimportant. The next drink became the God they worshiped.
Can u believe that 4 me, getting into the mind of an active alcoholic made me realize it is INSANITY, there is no reason or logic. Many recovered alcs say it is "demonic posession"
The cold reality hit home and I must realize there is nothing I can do to make her stop. I did tell her that if she xhooses recovery I will help her, but the thing is she doesn't even see a problem, yet.