I never in a million years would have believed my XAH would have done and said the things he's done to me and said about me. People that knew us (non drinking friends) are also floored because his behavior is so contrary to who they thought they knew.
Like Steve said, alcoholism is progressive. And my XAH behaved very much like Steve's AW and is continuing on that same path. See a pattern?
The husband you remember isn't there anymore. He's buried under his alcoholism, and caring for his disease is now his first priority.
Letting go is the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm still not quite there, but I'm infinitely better now that I've faced reality.
You might not be there yet. Please read Codependency No More by Melody Beattie. I found it made a huge difference. Get to an alanon meeting, and post and read here. Concentrate on yourself and your son, and on the things you can change.
Hang in there ~ we're all here for you!