lisab10977

I apologize this might not be quite on topic.

How do you let the love of your life go? I am still married to mine but am in the process of divorcing. Me and my husband had communication problems for a while. Not too bad or anything. He is an alcoholic and that did contribute to our marriage going downhill. We basically didn't give our marriage any maintanence. His alcoholism contributed to 99% of our fights. Last September we started this whole mess. He was so consumed and selfish that he rarely paid any attention to me. I in turn found a male friend and we texted a lot. We were never more than just friends.
From November to December I didn't want to have anything to do with hubby. He noticed something was really wrong finally and he was driving me crazy trying to talk to me. I didn't want to have any part in it. I was so angry towards him for ignoring me for so long. He found out about the texting and we both agreed I would stay with my mom for a while. He then when a little crazy, drank constantly, scared of losing me and just losing it. That in turn pushed me away farther. He fought with me constantly. Good one day, bad the next. He was throwing every emotion at me that he could possibly think of. I was exhausted and kept telling him it was over just to get him to leave me alone.
We went to lawyer at the end of February for a dissolution. March I moved my personal belongings out. From Jan to March was horrible fighting and argueing. At the end of March we had a heart to heart and started getting along so well. We were texting all the time, talking, I even went over a few times and watched some movies. Then it just stopped. I found out in May he had a girlfriend. He denied it but I saw pictures. He had been talking to her since January. He told me to lets hurry up and get dissolution settled. I honestly believe he just started dating her to take the pain of what was happening to us away, rebounding. I told him I wanted to try again and he told me he didn't know if he could get past everything that happened. Bull crap, he was having too much fun with her drinking all the time. He took the easy way out. It would have been too hard to try and fix us. Plus he was living the single life going out with her constantly, being drunk. How can you pick that over family?? Our child is living with me so he is free. I got the dissolution papers and he saw the child support amount and dragged his feet about signing them.
May to July we fought off and on. Getting along here and there. We would get along so well for our boys sake (my husband adopted him), then I think he started missing what we had and then would argue with me to keep those feelings suppressed. July he decided it was in my son's best interest to introduce him to his girlfriend after we had just talked about not doing that for a few months. He also had him lie to me. So I told him he couldn't see him until the courts ripped him from my arms and forced me to let him see him. We haven't heard from him since.
I never intended to keep my son from him, I was waiting for a call or something. Not even to me ... was waiting for a call to my son. Nothing. No word what-so-ever. If my son would have asked to see him I would have mad the phone call 5 seconds later, but every time I asked he said no. Mid July he filed for divorce, custody, support, alimony. So here we are to today. I got temporary custody and support today. My son has been wanting some of his things down at his house. I have tried to contact him and my son called him too. He never responded. My son is very upset that he will not get a hold of me to get his things for him.
We had an awesome relationship when it was good. We could talk with each other about anything for hours on end. He is my love of my life. Yeah at times his alcoholism caused problems, but nothing that we couldn't deal with. It's just only these last 8 months since I have moved out that I honestly believe have been the cause of us ending, not when we were together. I can forgive all of it. I think I can even forgive him for the girlfriend. I know he loves me. I still love him. I know if his girlfriend dumped him, he would realize he loved me still. He's just hiding his emotions and feelings by being with her.
It's just been one of those things where it just got all screwed up from us being on different pages for a while. I miss our family, I miss him. I'm gonna be ok if we divorce but wouldn't it be awesome if we could try and make it work. We could make it so much better. I just don't know what to do. His friends wives email conversations between my husband and their husband and he has said so many lies about me to them, trying to gain sympathy I guess. I feel he has trashed me so badly to friends and family that he can't swallow his pride and try to make it work. He won't even return my calls to get some of my boys stuff, let alone talk to him about all of this. We have temporary restraining orders on each other as far as selling things, harassing, hurting one another. I don't know.
I just hate to sit here and watch it all go down the drain. I know from the bottom of my heart we could work it out. But I feel it is going to happen anyways. How do I deal with this? How do I let it go?