Thanks for the welcomes, I really appreciate it. I'm so glad I found this forum, you're all awesome.
She and I did finally talk last night. I think she didn't realise before that she could actually lose me over this, and it finally clicked with her how much it hurts and upsets me, and that me leaving is a very real possibility. She does seem to have trouble getting her head around the fact that it has nothing to do with how *many* drinks she has, but how she acts after even just one.
But I asked her, straight out, if she would give up alcohol for me, and she said yes.
And I know that's like, textbook, but I believe that she means it. Is that going to stop me from being cautious? No. When I get back home I'm going to wait a good while before I decide whether move back in with her (we're not separated because of the alcohol, but because my family needed me out in the midwest), and we're going to do counseling. Lots and lots of counseling. But I have to believe that she's not irredeemable, and I want to be there with her for all the crap she's going to go through, and when she comes out the other side.
I'm sure you all think I'm being an idiot. I kind of do, too. But I really think I got through to her last night. I don't imagine everything's going to immediately turn around, not by a long shot, but she's supported me through some incredibly hard times (I come with a fair amount of issues myself) and even if I didn't love her the way I do, I would want to at least help her as much as she's helped me.
Yeah, all that "it-together" having you guys thought I had? Goes right out the window as soon as I hear her voice.