((k)) it's ok. Be gentle with yourself. Part of recovery is learning how to make amends for those we harm. It's progress, not perfection and we all lose it sometimes. It's very easy to fall back into old behavior and it doesn not mean we fail at recovery.
You are doing great by recognizing that a meeting will help you work through this. If you have a sponsor, why not talk to her about how you can make amends, when and if you are ready.
Hugs!