Maya
Great for you going to AA with an open mind and heart. Yes, something is going on, but it will be at your pace. Just don't tempt the inevitable!
If you don't have a sponsor yet, get one -- and get to work on Step One.
There will come a point where "if you want what we have, you will go to any length to get it..."
I remember when I got there. I do NOT recommend bouncing in and out of AA, but I did that -- 30 days, 60 days, I just could not string any time together. Then at some point, my body, mind and soul said "enough is enough." I had been whooped by alcohol and decided it was time to fully surrender. Isn't it ironic, that the freedom comes from surrendering?
Keep the faith, and take everything right now one day at a time.... Keep going to meetings, listening with an open mind and heart, find a sponsor and get to work!
NMB