drained, you really need to consider taking care of yourself better.
also, if you have children around and they get any of that white powder on them, and the police check your children, YOU could go to jail for abuse! It's not worth it.
You don't have to be scared all your life. Make a plan. Work the plan. Stick to the plan.
Things you can do:
Get a restraining order.
Move to a women's shelter.
Move out of state.