No more ‘life’ getting in the way of ‘living’
This may be the ‘corniest’ post I’ve ever done, but here it goes anyway...
Phases of my life:
First Phase: birth to late teens: brainwashed, physically abused, and severely and emotionally damaged by two incompetent, and emotionally void people. One was ’explosively violent and verbally cruel’ while the other was ’so beyond passive’, why bother to exist? Both should have been neutered and not allowed to reproduce/raise children (in my opinion)!
Second Phase: from early 20’s to mid 40’s: Unconsciously seeking and repeating the ‘familiar’ pattern of my upbringing, never knowing why. Found myself immersed in toxic relationships whether it be romantic or just plain friendship. Those that inhabited my world needed a doormat, and I being born and bred to be one, took whatever was dished out or wiped on me! Was it my choice? I don't think so. How can it be a real choice if you just don’t know any different?
Third Phase: From mid to late 40’s: Was finally brought to my knees in despair ‘till something in me screamed ‘no more!’ I reviewed each and every person in my life, and, most of them have been eliminated. Of course, I started weeding through my own behavior as well. That’s where it all had to begin…with ‘me’ first!
Last Phase: Late 40’s (today) and for however much time is left in my life: IS ALL MINE!!!!!
Through music , poetry, nature, and a safe, serene, and healthy home environment that “I“ have created, I have learned to give myself the childhood that I always longed for but never had! Whoever says you can’t miss what you never had is seriously mistaken! I’ve learned that if I want to know what love is, if I want to be loved, I have to love myself. No more compromises, no settling, no selling myself short.
The only people that will be allowed in my life are the ones that will ‘enhance it’. No more room for the ranks of the ‘strictly takers’ here anymore folks. You might get ‘some of my sweat’, and maybe a little bit of ‘my tears’, but I’m keeping my blood for it’s vital to my healthy existence!
To celebrate the rejoining the ranks of the living again, with the same ‘species’ as myself, I have 3 concerts I’m going to, with related parties and reunions throughout this upcoming weekend and into next week. And, I won backstage passes and will once again, meet Kenny Loggins after his shows and attend his sound check (rehearsal) prior to the shows. May not sound like much to some, but to me, it’s a sign…..welcome back to the land of the ‘living’…..’nurture yourself’, “this is just the beginning”!
I am just so done with ‘life’ getting in the way of ‘living’...it doesn't work for me, and it never really did!