It took me a long time to learn that other people don't define me. No matter what he says I am, or what he says I feel, or what he says I think, he is only telling me his thoughts. Just because HE says it doesn't mean it's true.
HE does not define me. THEY do not define me.
My sponsor once told me that I should imagine his words as being rubber bullets. The BANG is loud when they are shot out, and they sting a bit... but they can't hurt me and they won't kill me.
Later, I learned that unhealthy people want to deflect attent ion away from themselves. Many times they do this by creating problems or conflicts, filled with name calling etc to keep their partner or loved one on the defensive. When you're spending your time defending yourself, you don't usually have time to look at what's really going on.
Mental and verbal abuse are very insidious. There are no visible wounds, but the damage runs deep. There's a great book out called No Visible Wounds that deals with that very subject. It's a good read. I keep it next to my bed, along with my Al Anon books and Courage to Change.
Thanks for the post, Nyte. Glad to hear Dakota is doing well.
~Cats