He got mad because it wasn't what "he" wanted. Well, what "he" wanted and "his" best thinking got him where he is today. Maybe it's time he started listening instead of talking so much. And maybe it's time he learned respect for his mother, a wonderful mother who loves her son enough to let him find his own way.
Bets, he has other options. It may not be what "he" wants, but that's all on him and not a reflection of you or your mothering abilities.
I get touchy when people tell us mothers what we "should" or "shouldn't" be doing. Some people think I am not a good mother because I no longer enable my son and I no longer make myself crazy by attending jails, institutions or potential death situations.
I don't want a front row seat anymore, Bets. and having paid admission and spent sufficient time there to understand the drama...I CAN choose to leave the theatre of addiction and start looking after myself. And so can you, sweetie, just let it be known that Bets has left the building. Maybe you and I can spend a day on the beach instead, it's much nicer there and we don't have to apologize to anyone for our choice.
Sending hugs because I know this is hard. Just remember that your life and how you live it is "your" choice and our kids, once grown, no longer get a vote.
Hugs