Thank you all for your replies.
Greet, you hit it all on the button. A counselor had suggested Antabuse, since drinking is a trigger for the cocaine, our son said he'd probably decline and gave all the reasons, drinking mouthwash can make you sick, some side effects, etc. I'm sure that the side effects of Antabuse don't hold a candle to what cocaine daily does to your brain, but we don't talk about that.
I brought up in the session that I wasn't so sure that being back in our home would be the best for our son in his early recovery, and that's when he got so mad. The counselor asked why, I told him that his drug dealer was just a few miles away and that if son got frustrated that would be first place he could easily go. Also, I didn't mention that if he were here, this time I am not a willing transportation facility, I mentioned that he has a cup of money in his room and no job and no license.
Son volleyed back with facts about halfway houses being rampant with drug use. I told him he knows he can find drugs anywhere and everywhere, so what's the difference?
I know he expects to come back here, but I wanted to give him time to think and we just don't think 28 days after 5 years of drug use is enough. We become the enemy, and I won't trust him one more bit in three more weeks than I do know. For me, time in recovery is the key to a relationship with our son.
The counselor asked me why I looked so sad. I told him I was just weary of addiction, tears came out without meaning to, and this angered our son even more. I just can't do it. I like leaving my pocketbook on the counter and not worrying about if my bank card is still there. I like knowing that when my kids say they're going somewhere, they're open with me and I do have a good idea of what they're doing, even our daughter in college, it's just good communication.
After a day like yesterday, the stress is too much. I know I cannot personally take the stress of an addict. I have to save myself and keep my family intact. We have tried to be supportive, but enough is enough.
Just talking to myself, thanks.
Love,
Bets