Thanks for all the replies, tis appreciated.
I honestly don't think he is trying to manipulate me...the man is an open book and I can read him very well. We've been through the manipulation thing and I know when he's doing it straight off and always call him on it and then end the conversation.
He doesn't blame the way he's feeling on other things, he's knows it's the alcoholism and like Mair, I speak to him quite directly and honestly about why he feels the way he does.
I told him that I can't help him and he knows this, I told him if he needed people to talk to who understand then he should come here and read the alcoholism board because no matter how hard I try I can't understand what he's going through, the same way he can't know what it's like to be sober and live with an active alcoholic.
I feel sad that he's feeling lonely. I don't think the disease has progressed beyond the man yet...we went through a faze (when I joined here) when I thought it had but he's still there, struggling and his "alocholic rants and pity parties" have all but disappeared.
I have no idea how hard it must be being an A and that's what I forget...Since detaching I haven't really thought about what it's like for him, more about what it's like for me, and where that's helped me alot, I don't want to forget about his feelings completely. It's so confusing.
I think he feels very isolated because he has no friends or family where we live. He moved from his home town to live with me so the only people he knows besides me and my family are a few lads from the pub, who aren't friends that he can talk to, more just mates he watches the match with once a fortnight etc.
It's a horrible feeling, being lonely. If I didn't have my family and friends around me when I needed them (or even when I didn't) I think I would go quite mad.
I told him that he can talk to me. But if he is having a pity party, you know...drinking fast, staring at the floor, angry with the world etc.. then I will not get into a conversation with him about anything related to me or him or "us" or his alcoholism.
He did get a little defensive when I told him I found it "boring"....eek. I explained that in the past when he was throwing a pity party for days at a time, that listening to the same thing over and over again bored me to tears.
I'm the type of person..if I have a problem (for example my weight issues) then I'm not one to get depressed about it and talk and talk about it and how hard it is and then not do anything about it and then just do the same thing the next day. I don't see a point on dwelling on things that you're not ready to change....at least I won't do it with family or with him, I may talk about it online sometimes but I don't see a point in making my family worried about me.
For him, he says talking with me helps him not feel so isolated. I'm finding it really hard seperating him from his alcoholism, the line isn't straight, it's all wavy!!