((((((((((((((Susan)))))))))))))))))))))
Mom hugs to you
You're not alone, we are here for you and most of us understand just how you feel.
I don't have any real words of wisdom for you just prayers and hugs and letting you know that today might be bad, but tomorrow may be better.
I know that awful gut wrenching fear that something isn't right and that you have lost what little control you have over yourself. It's a lousy feeling, but it is only a feeling and will pass. Please be gentle with yourself, progress not perfection....