very tough question. but i have a very easy answer that worked for me in my relationship with my xh.......i found that his addiction had progressed to the point that even when he was sober, his thinking was very "out there"....so trying to hold a real conversation with him made as much sense as trying to purchase a loaf of bread at the hardware store.
all of our conversations were manipulated right back to the same crazy road.
after many years of trying to be supportive of his feelings, i learned that it was impossible as long as he was not into recovery.
i had to turn the focus on myself and be supportive of me.
very tough question.....no black or white here. lots of shades of grays...