Wow Queenteree, isnt it an amazing realization when we realize our children are professional manipulators to their parents when the addiction is in full force. My son did all of what you mentioned. I fell for it all the time. Poor son, Its my fault because of the divorce, yep yep yep. All the right guilt buttons were pushed by him and it worked.
Then, it controlled my life so much, I was a mess. I started saying No more using me. Its not my fault you are doing this simply because I am your mother.
It worked and it did take 4 months but wow he got a job, moved in with some people, was actually smiling, calling me and couldnt wait to tell me how his life was blooming. He still has his moments of binging, but thats OK, I dont have to watch or deal with it anymore, as long as he doesnt come anywhere near me then.
The greatest lesson we can give our children is to let them be themselves and let them be responsible. When my son finally hit his bottom, he sat and hugged me and you know what he said to me.
:Mum, all I ever wanted was for you to be proud of me
I told him that I have always been proud of him, he is my son isnt he.
I dont have to like this habit he has though and he understands now.