Hi-
I don't normally post over here but my husband is an addict, he likes xanax. I feel the words, drug addict and alcoholic are basically interchangable. The behavior is all the same.
I kept noticing that you kept writing this
I know what they mean, but he is my baby and child.. if he commited suside while I was gone.. how could I forgive myself?
If he really wanted to commit suicide, he's going to do it whether your there or not. Maybe while your gone to the store to pick something up. My husbands uncle felt the same way about his wife. They always had someone there, he quit working away from the house, if he left, their sons would come over and stay with their mother but it didn't stop her. He was HOME and was calling around for a hospital and she killed herself while he was in the next room.
My point is, you can't put your life on hold and neglect the feelings of your other family members to keep this one son on the straight and narrow. He is going to do what he wants to do regardless of what you think, say, do etc. YOU can't stop HIM, but you can stop yourself from feeling that helpless, overwhelmed, anger that so many of us codependents have. Please pick up the book Codependent No More and also the other book that was suggested.
Its hard, we all know because we've all been there with a loved one, some of us are still there but YOU can get better. ((((2much)))