Yes I know that feeling of a child trapped in a man's body.
As Mike said it is knowledge that is helping me to modify and adjust my behaviour. Knowledge from going to meetings and reading the recovery literature.
I have a two year old son that I know I will have to establish boundaries with. We play a lot together and have a whale of a time, but at the same time I know I have to set limits and provide discipline, something which does not come easily for me because deep inside I feel like a child myself.
As far as "not seeing your father in your husband" is concerned I really have no experience.
Since we as ACOA's tend to marry into dysfunction it is likely that your husband already has the characteristics of your alcoholic/dysfunctional father and unless he changes then he will have those characteristics for the rest of his life.
The only thing you can really change is the way you see yourself and the way you feel about the relationship. Try focusing on some of his better qualities and strive to find peace within yourself.
The best news for you today is that you know about your problem and you can start making the necessary steps towards healing.