Amends---Direct and Indirect
We in NA tend to think it's best to make direct, face-to-face amends, and indeed, this step says we should do so wherever possible. But direct amends are not the only way to make amends, and in some cases they may be the worst way.
Before we provide some examples, it is very important to note that these are only examples. This guide is not meant totake the place of a sponsor in going over each amends with a sponsee and working together to decide what's best.
Some situations are more complicated than they appear at first glance. We may think the solution is obvious, but we should always take the time for further reflection. For, instance, there may be a situation where the person or people we've harmed are not aware of what we did, and learning what we did might possibly harm them more. We may have some friends, relatives, or an employer who were unaware of our addiction. To tell them might harm them. Our sponsor will help us look at our motives for wanting totell people about our addiction. Do they need to know? What good purpose will be served by sharing such information? What damage could such information do?
But what if this same situation was complicated by our theft of some money from our friends? And what if someone else was accused of taking the money? Wouldn't we then need to tell about our addiction, along with admitting the theft and paying the money back? Possibly, but perhaps not. Each of these kinds of situations needs to be taken on an individual basis. Again, our sponsor will help us decide how best to handle each one. In our discussion with our sponsor, if we are open-minded, we're sure to think about these kinds of situations in ways we haven't thought about them before. We may see how what we first thought was the obvious method of making amends may not be right after all. It's very helpful to prepare for this discussion by listing all the circumstances for these difficult amends so that it will be right in front of us when we talk to our sponsor.
*Which names on my Eighth Step list are complicated by circumstances like the ones above? What were the specific circumstances?
To be continued--------------More will be revealed!!