Sounds like my story
Hey Henry,
I've been in your shoes and I understand how you feel. At 3 months clean I was arrested and charged with 23 felony counts of gun trafficking. Needless to say, in the bitter ends, I sold guns to support my drug addiction. I was looking at doing 15 years and scared to death because I had never been to jail or in any trouble with the law. I didn't know what to expect and thought my life was over. One thing I knew for sure was that I didn't want to go back to the living hell of using drugs.
I shared my dilemma in meetings and was comforted by numerous members who had been incarcerated or had legal issues. The main thing I got out of all their support was that I shouldn't project into what might happen and that I should focus on staying clean. My addict thinking was telling me to run and hide (they'll never find me) or that I may as well get high because nothing else mattered anymore. The members assurred me that using wouldn't make anything better, and as a matter of fact, it would make it worse.
They told me that all any of us have is "just for today" and that as long as I continued to do what was right, things would work out much better than I thought they would. To make a long story shorter...instead of getting the 3 - 6 plea deal I accepted, my lawyer entered a motion for what is called a "downward departure." Based on the fact that I stayed clean and out of trouble up until sentencing (14 months) and had no prior arrest history, the judge cut me a break and I was given a sentence of 18 months. Those NA members didn't lie.
My words to you are the same as what was shared with me: Keep coming back and keep coming back clean. Your HP hasn't brought you this far to abandon you. The wreckage of our past can't be avoided, but as long as we do what is right, it is never as bad as we fear it will be. Live in today and let God take care of tomorrow.
Be blessed & best wishes.