Sometimes I feared being alone because I thought it meant I was not lovable or because I didn't want to be alone with the thoughts in my head...My self esteem was so low and I was stuck in a negative cycle. Working hard on recovery, taking baby steps and re-learning the things I like to do all helped me to learn to like me. Now I love time alone...I love pursuing my interests. And as I feel better, my outlook is better and I attract positive. I guess in the end, so much is outlook.
The addict in my life wasn't a partner, it was my child, but from what i have read here and heard in meetings, the dance of addiction really can wreck havoc on one's sense of self worth. The games, the manipulation, the lies...they all eat away at you. It is a family disease. As you recover from its affects, little by little you will again find that woman who traveled the world alone and enjoyed it. Hugs