Mindy, I am glad you found this site but so sorry for the pain you are going through. My two daughters both battled with addictions in their life too. Both were raised in what seemed an ideal environment, honor students, active in sports and civic groups, loved and cherished. To anyone looking in they would have thought they would have the "perfect" life. Addiction really knows no boundaries. Last year both were in rehabs 2500 miles apart at the same time. My older daughter was a low bottom binge drinker who was fortunate not to have hurt anyone or lost everything before she found recovery. She is starting over in her mid 20's and her recovery program and mine have helped her to be able to make her own way, go back to school, support herself and be grateful for the blessings in her life. Sadly, her little sister experimented with heavy drugs including snorting heroin and became addicted. She struggled to try to get clean and we lost her right after she turned 20a year ago to tainted heroin. That first time back out can indeed be the last.
So I think I have some appreciation of the pain you are feeling. I found coming here, reading all I could about addiction and codependency and becoming very involved in Naranon really helped me so much. I still go to Naranon and come here because the tools I am learning help me in so many ways in all aspects of my life and in my relationships whether involving addiction or not. I've learned what I can control (me, my actions and reactions) and what I can't (virtually everything else). I have to keep practicing that...living it every day, or I am sure I will slip back to comfortable ways of trying to control the universe
Keep reading and posting...and please, try some face to face Alanon or Naranon meetings. Hugs