Shawmack,
Glad you made it back to us...
Forgive yourself and try again. Your not alone. Some of us do relapse only to find we are in a bigger jam. WE are confused as to why did we go back out there...We are faced with painful emotions that we haven't had to feel when we were out there active in our addiction...This is particuarly painful and can be very challenging to our recovery.
BUT there is hope...Latch onto all the support you can. We are happy you are here. Keep posting...