Sounds like you're suffering from alcoholic insanity...doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results. Of course, you know it doesn't have to be this way. You can get off the merry-go-round once and for all...it really is up to you.
Slip:
A common term for relapse- drinking alcohol again after a period of sobriety in AA. The term is often used as an acronym as well: S.L.I.P; Sobriety Loses Its Priority.
Unfortunately, when we relapse, it's because we want to drink more than we want to stay sober. When we get to the point where we want to stay sober more than we want to drink...then we have a chance at recovery.