Thanks all. I am trying to change myself, as I know it's the only way I can change this. When I'm away from her long enough, I am able to disengaged, realize she is a very small person with a very small mind. She has no formal education, was poverty level until her husband died, and he was insured heavily. So the money she got helped feed her control over others (not me, but others in the extended family). She's Baptist. So am I. But she represents what I never want to be in any faith, all show.
I think she may come, and I'll keep to myself. I need a sponsor. But I have only been in Al-Anon 2 weeks.
This morning I mentioned to AH that I was getting a quote to screen in the porch. He blew his lid! So I retreated and didn't say anything. He came to me and said, "I'm sorry, but you know that's one of my hot buttons." Hmmmm, so when his hot button is pushed, he gets his way. And when he pushes my hot button (insisting that his mother come right now), he gets his way. This stuff is hard to figure out.