respektingme

My mother-in-law grew up with an alcoholic father and a controlling mother.

She married a man she could push around. He was the son of an alcoholic, but choose not to drink. He died around 53 of cancer.

She remarried a man, who is an alcohlic.

Her son, my AH, is an alcoholic.

My MIL is absolutely the most controlling person I have ever met. She is extremely religious. Has to know everybody's business. She gives unwanted advice constantly. She talks bad about everybody to everybody. She fuels chaos, gossips, keeps family members at odds. She is a puppeteer and all the family members are her puppets. Inside I know she is really miserable. She view every woman my AH has ever been with as a threat, hated them all and that includes me. Last year she really crossed the line with me (long story). AH told her she needs to apologize. She said, "WHAT FOR!?!?!?!?!?" Then she said she absolutely would not. This woman has read the bible 500 million times, and will argue it with anyone. It's a weapon, her shield to always be right.

So, I see how I've become controlling since being married to AH. I make all the decisions. He's too busy drinking. I've spent years trying to control his drinking, to no avail. I have become a mini-version of her.

Is this how it always works????? I'm learning new ways through Al-Anon. I wish she would go. Until she ever admits she needs to work on herself, she's going to continue to make our lives hell.

AH and I fought yesterday. He said she wants to come, and my not saying that she should come made him want to drink. Finally, I told him I can't control what he or she does, that I have to find my own peace and I won't mention another word.