respektingme

Thanks all. See? Some of you say she should come, others say no. That's what is going through my head as well. In the past, he'd put his foot down, I'd pitch a fit, he'd drink, she'd come, hell would break out, he'd drink some more, and then it would take weeks for me to chill out.

This time, it's a little different. This morning we spoke briefly. I told him my thoughts, both pro's and con's. Told him I don't want to be controlling, however, my gut says it's a bad idea. I asked him what he thinks, and to be completely honest, at least with himself. He said he's learning in AA that when he's confused, he should pray about it and not make a rash decision. So he said he needs time to think. He admitted that he's not so sure he wants her in his group meeting, although someone told him a family network is crucial to recovery. But she's not in his immediate family, and those meetings get to the guts of the alcoholic, so I'm not sure he wouldn't feel humiliated with her there. He agreed he hadn't thought about it, but thinks it might be uncomfortable. He also agreed that we go through hell during/after each visit with her, and that he drinks a ton when he sees her. I KNOW he has HUGE resentment issues with her, even if he never ever verbally admits them to anyone. This extremely religious woman is verrry angry inside, yet has this forced smile all the time. Her father was a roaring alcoholic, and her mother a mean, spiteful, horribly abusive mother.

So, AH's mom claims (nobody is this stupid) that when he was a boy, he was unruly. She asked the pediatrician how to get him under control. Supposedly the doc told her to spank him first thing when he wakes up. Apparently the doc was joking, but conveniently, she claims to have been following doctor's orders. So, AH woke up to a beating first thing in the morning, until he was so screwed up that he whispered to the family preacher what was happening. Other stuff happened too, but he'll claim to everyone that he can't complain, he had a perfect childhood.

This woman is pure evil. All of her brothers and sisters have either served time in prison, or been admitted to a psych ward. She claims it was the grace of God that she was saved at 14, and has been spared the same fate. She punishes everyone around her to stay on top. It's really sad, just sad. She's given me fits over the years and I'm finally through with her. I realize she's toxic and will never ever change until she at least realizes she has some problems. She is never wrong, apologizes to noone. And at church, she sings louder than anyone. Just too much for me. And her presence makes my AH act like a 10-yr-old. You guys wouldn't believe what my AH does for a living, but it's horrible to watch a man who can conduct himself so professionally around a group of millionaires be reduced to a childlike whimp by an old bat that's barely 5' tall.

I'm leaning towards telling him how I feel about it and not forcing him to do anything. And if she does come, I will stay busy and away from her. I thought about leaving town, but I don't trust her alone with my kids. She used to talk horribl about my stepdaughter's mother to them when they were little. I don't want her trying to feed that garbage to my kids.

Thanks for all your responses.