Queen,
I don't think all of us fit all of the items listed as co-depenent issues. In my case, I will cut you to the qwick and tell you how it is whether you like it or not, at times I will do that with my husband if mad enough, BUT in my case, it is the people who I need to care the most that I tip toe around and sacrafise my self for. I am in so meny ways independent in my thinking and actions but when it comes to my husband..... I do everything my mom did. I hated that she put up with such **** from my dad and yet I pick a man a lot like him and do the same thing.
As for the sex thing..... I too know the difforance betweek sex and love but a lot of codependence (such as my self) settle for sex in place of love. We play this strange game of tug of war. I want controle, but I give it up. Don't try to controle me because I need to controle you. I'll fix it all by controleing everything, right down to my response and the feelings feel.
That is one of the things that makes me most crazy. My husband has no real controle over me and I know that. I am the one who is playing the controle game with my own head. I can tell anyone else to back off, but I don't say a word to him.... I just do, or cry, or get angry and post. The simple anwer is to tell him NO or what ever the correct response is and stick to it. As much as I try to hide it from my self..... I know what the truth is and I know what I need to do to be happy. But what I know and what I do are not the same.