Hey Teach
Our perceptions of ourselves, are often not CLOSE to how others perceive us.
If we are unsure and/or getting over damage to our cores, its easy to think we don't "fit". But a funny thing happens, people recognize us FROM the core. I bet every one fo those pool people think your the balls
I've expereinced the same thing. And I've figured it out. I'm TRYING too hard. Going from one extreme to the other. To be out from under the constant emotional abuse living with an A can bring, makes me want to all of a suden feel good about myself. The porblem is, I haven't healed yet because i'm looking to OTHERS to provide that "core" self esteem I lost over the last few years. I know what you mean. Sometimes I HATE being alone in my "big girl" place. Gotta LOVE that pity pot huh?!?!? LOl. Of course we don't, but in a strange way, its comforting? It brings us back into the "poor me" scenerio we lived in with our A's. Nothing changes if nothing changes.
So, now, when I'm "lonely" I turn my thinking around. How VERY lucky I am to have my own place, the FREEDOM to do as I please including being around people when I want, and NOT when I don't want. Its all about time and learning to live differently.
Don't be so hard on yourself. Relax and let it happen,,
Your the BOMB!!!!!
Peace