xXBacktoBlackXx

Hey everyone! I wanted to thank you for the replies to my post when I returned to the board about a week ago. I really appreciated that! I missed everyone very much. I had a lot going on at home and I needed to be away from the internet for awhile.

Anyway, I'm posting now because I don't have anywhere else to turn. Even in all this time, I never ended up going to AA meetings. I went to visit my extended family for a week in a different state. I know I could have gone to meetings either before or after, but each time I chickened out. I am in counseling, though.

I'm feeling so overwhelmed. I'm 21, don't have an official job aside from baby-sitting and am going to have to return to my crappy housekeeping hotel job. I am eventually going to take classes at another college to finish my degree, but it's going to take at least a year to finish and again, I don't know when I'm going to start. A lot of my other friends have graduated and have gotten well paying jobs, especially those in the nursing fields while I feel pathetic and stuck at home.
I don't know...I just feel so overwhelmed about my future right now and I feel like I will not be able to move forward.

Quite honestly, I just want to move to an anonymous place away from here so that I never have to hear, see, or talk to a lot of the people that I've encountered in the state that I live in...I'm not saying that to run away from my problems. I have had so many people near me screw me over, most involved in the party scene. In my state, mose people are associated with each other. Wherever I go, someone knows me from somewhere and for ****'s sake, I'm sick of that. I honestly hate it. That's partly why I am not going back to my old school. I know this is a bit of a rant, but as I said I'm trying not to relapse. I honestly wish I could just assume a new identity and go to another state. It's not that I care what people think because I'm past that. I just don't want to be around these people. And I don't want to relapse.