Please remind me that all may not be what it seems
My xabf has been out of jail for almost a month now. (was in for a year). He has admitted that he has drank twice, but no more. Once again, he got a break and is working on cars in this garage of a buddy of his. He will not go to any kind of treatment as he is "doing good on his own" and "is too tired" at night to go to meetings.
I feel like, wow, he is making it on his own. He is "cured" no more drinking, is working (under the table as always at 41 years old, but still). He keeps telling me how will I know he's doing good if I won't go back with him. He swears he has no desire to drink. He says that he can make great money at the garage, the first step to his own business. That he is done with the BS and wants to get his life in order. Now I know he still has issues - he still is blaming me for alot of stuff, has reverted to name calling on a couple of issues when I don't say I want him back. But still...
P.S. I know I shouldn't have any contact. I'm working on that with my counselor. Why I still take his calls yet tell him it's over and we will never be together again. I wish I was at that point, but I'm still, even after all this time, not ready for no contact - as wrong as I know it is.