Thanks for your input Babs. It re-enforces both the replies I received from sean and Ray. I agree with you all on this topic, but I will also add to it, that words to me, must be felt before they will have effect. When I say the word no to my children, the word 'no' itself is actually a boundary that I have set for them. It must be respected, but it is only a word to them,,,,,,,untill I attach a consequence that they feel. If they do not feel the consequence after disrespecting my boundary the word seems to have little if any effect when I use it again at a later date.
Now a consequence given to either of them that produces genuine bad feeling within them, believe me the word no suddenly has meaning to them, and change in their behaviour takes place.
Thanks for the input guys.