IMO, alcoholics, even after they admit they may have a problem, tend to deny they have a problem once they realize admitting it entails they must stop drinking. Why? Cause they don't want to stop. In a nutshell, if it's creating problems in your life and your marriage, then it is a problem. And if he didn't have a drinking problem, then why won't he just stop drinking, period? My RAH has been sober for 46 days now. I like to have a beer (his drink of choice) now and then, especially on a Saturday afternoon, sitting in my yard, relaxing and reading a book, and RAH doesn't care if I do that in front of him, even now that he's recovering. Says he's the one with the problem, not me. But since he got sober and seriously working the program, I choose not to do that at all, and it doesn't faze me in the least if I never have a drink again. But then again, I don't have a drinking problem. See my point???
And trust me, it is a progressive disease - I never thought it was and said it wouldn't happen to my RAH, but it did. Please keep reading and posting and try a few Al-Anon meetings (or open AA meetings) and work on you.
Teree