Be Kind to yourself
The other day a young person asked me how I felt about being old.
I was taken aback, for I do not think of myself as old. Upon seeing my
reaction, he was immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it was an
interesting question, and I would ponder it, and let him know.
Growing Older, I decided, is a gift. I am now, probably for the first time
in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I
sometime despair over my body ... the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the
cellulite. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my
mirror, but I don't agonize over those things for long. I would never trade
my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair
or a flatter belly.
As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself.
I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra
cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that
I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to be
messy, to be extravagant, to smell the flowers. I have seen too many dear
friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom
that comes with aging. Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on
the computer until 4 a.m and then sleep until -- ?
I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50's & 60's, and if
I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love... I will.
I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body,
and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the
pitying glances from the bikini set. They, too, will get old. (if they're
lucky)
I know I am sometimes forgetful. But then again, some of life is just as
well forgotten and I eventually remember the important things. Sure, over
the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you
lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when a beloved pet gets
hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding
and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never
know the joy of being imperfect. I am so blessed to have lived long enough
to have my hair turn gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched
into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed,and so many have
died before their hair could turn silver.
I can say "no," and mean it. I can say "yes." and mean it.
As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what
other people think I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the
right to be wrong. So, to answer your question, I like being older. It has
set me free. I like the person I have become.
I am going to live forever, in heaven, but while I am here, I will not waste
time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I
shall eat dessert every single day... (if I want).
Today, I wish you a day of ordinary miracles.
Love simply.
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.
Leave the rest to God.
Shalom!