I agree, Teke, that you get to make boundaries that are healthy for you regardless of how other people react to them.
She is probably going through her own pain and struggles with all this, and the way she handles it may be what is right for her or part of her journey but you don't have to participate in her chaos.
When a relationship becomes toxic, then it's time for us to step back and just take care of us.
You have your own healing to do right now, stay focused on that and let the rest of the world just spin in their own orbit.
Hugs