A drug addict is an extremely needy thing. I could not sooth the pain with out drugs. I could not work nor converse with out drugs. I could not eat, I could not sleep with out drugs. All emotional needs, all physical needs catered for by drugs.
When the drugs were gone, I didn’t know how to tie my shoelaces let alone fill any emotional need, so I used other people to fill these needs. I become an emotional vampire. As my wife become fully dependant on me I attached co-dependence to her. She, to a very small scale took over where the drugs left of. Never lasted very long, always back to drugs. I don’t think any one can fill the needs you yourself must learn how to fill. Its what makes us complete and as a single entity that can stand on ones own feet.
Rayofsunshine, DAkota describes perfectly what Ive seen with my AH, except I wanted to add, when he wasnt validated and couldnt control it became more and more important for him to control. SInce he got out last November, even though most of that we've been apart he's becoming increasingly angry and will do anything for control, and really how can you validate a person you have no respect for.