Welcome to SR. I am very sorry that your xah did to you and your BIL what he did. I was caught in the middle of this drug thing too thanks to xagf. I almost got into a fight with tweaking meth head on a couple of occassions. I had a crack addict pull a gun on me and myself I found myself becoming as crazy as they were as far as hurting the addicts. Anyway, I made it out without having killed any addicts although I think it was because they knew I was as crazy or worse than they were at the time. Don't feel bad about any of it just do yourself a huge favor and make each day worth something to you and your recovery. YOu did alright, please be gentle with your heart and your mind.