Hi Misscat,
It is hard to come to terms with the fact that we are not like 'normal' people and we can't do what they do when it comes to having a casual drink. I think I had to go through a period of loss and mourning for what I was giving up, even though it had caused me so much grief. Have you heard of a book called "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp. It's a memoir of a young, high-functioning alcoholic woman and her love affair with alcohol.