I feel that way too sometimes. Like I can't go back and maybe erase this whole deal and be a "normal" person without this disease at the forefront of my mind. I have dealt with other extremely traumatizing events in my life that, with time and help, have become a part of me but not me exclusively and I have learned to live with them in my past. I know with work and time, I will feel the same way about using. I'll just have to wait. So I am not sure what to say but can only say I relate.
