he did WHAT?!!!
My son reports, with more than a little irritation, that his father and his longt-time girlfriend are advocating he go to Narcotics Anonymous
Because they both are now new members of NA, according to mutual acquaintances. Had been using for a while....
I almost don't know where to start. Neal and I divorced more than 16 years ago.
From the time Josh was 10 to the time he was 18, Neal tied me up in court. He's a doctor, he had the money. He accused me of giving Josh heroin. He told teachers I was negligent and allowed Josh to be out till all hours of the early a.m. He disconnected utilities when his son needed a nebulizer for asthma treatments. & so on. He put sugar in my gas tank. He called protective services and triggered an investigation. (all you have to do in this state is call...) He harassed both me and my employers to the point that my employers sought legal counsel. That's in spite of two court orders to stay away. He stalked me.
Mostly, he robbed me blind. By keeping me in court on dozens of baseless, crazy complaints, he made sure I never got a vacation with the kids. That I would go deeply into debt for legal bills. That we would never have the stability of a home, because I would never have the financial stability to buy one.
His girlfriend, who was doing the same — and I mean exactly the same, right down to the wording of the court filings — to her own husband, egged him on. He egged her on. It went on for years.
Everyone - judges, lawyers, doctors, everyone, always said, in one version or another: "Is he nuts?"
Because he acted just like an addict. insane and self-destructive.
In the last few months, he has resorted to the allegations and accusations he once used in court. He e-mailed me that unless I talked to him that he would report Josh missing, then have the police come knocking on my door. Ludicrous.
He also repo'd a car Josh was using for school. He didn't do it because Josh was using. Josh was clean (at the time). That pretty much ensured Josh could not return to school.
About 98 percent of the time, it's in the past. (Ever since Josh was 18, anyway, and he could no longer drag me into court.) A few years ago, in a rare moment of sweetness, he asked, 'Can you ever forgive me?" And I thought, it wasn't for me to forgive. It's over. In any event, I no longer warm up to the drama of such a question.
But this has burned my bacon. It all comes back in a wave: All that insanity. All those allegations, that he made in public court documents and then trotted around to newspapers, hoping they would print it. The things he did and agony he caused.
Now he's in NA.
There are not enough Fourth Steps in the world to make amends. I can't just recoup those years, or those chunks of Josh's childhood.
But there is one thing.
I am putting Josh out on Sept. 1, a date we have both agreed on, but I want the kid to have a car. I can't buy the car because I am still paying those old %^&*() legal and medical bills. Even tho Josh is 22. I'll be paying for at least two more years.
Maybe Josh will go to school if he has wheels, maybe he won't. Maybe he will stay clean, maybe he won't.
But. I. Want. That. Car.
I want...I want....if not justice, at least ~ what? Even I don't know. The idea that he might go thru some weepy 4th step enrages me.
I don't know where my own recovery fits into this.
I know that Al-Anon has helped me realize I wasn't really establishing boundaries. I just let him rain abuse on me. Of course, not even the doctors could handle him, either ~ of course not. HE WAS USING. Josh had told me as much a year ago, but I thought it must have been over for a long time....
It feels, in some small way, that if I don't do...something...that I am just door-matting myself. Again. I was always the one trying to not confront, not react, even though sometimes I am sure that made things worse.
On the other hand, it also feels close to jumping back into the madness.
Ideas? I am sooooooooooooooo angry.
And this morning? On my way to work as I gritted my teeth over this? My car started acting up.