hi amelie..i hope just reading the previous posts makes you feel alittle better....we all went through it....the only thing you have to decide is...how are you going to handle/deal with it? I say,do whatever you have to.....see a doc,a counselor,go to a meeting,or just stay right here at SR....as long as you stay sober,you are doing the right thing.I could never go to a meeting in the beginning....being in a room full of strangers and admitting i was an,"A"(i see you have a hard time even saying the word,as i do/did....) would make me want to drink...I think i could go now though,after a few months,i just choose not to...but i know if i ever needed to go,i could...so,like we're trying to tell you,what you're going through is a normal reaction,and it's going to get better,trust me.....just don't drink! love KT